Time, Prayer, & Possibilities: A New Notebook

Teach Me

A prayer.

Teach me to pray
Like Jesus prayed in Gethsemane,
Holding nothing back,
Fully surrendered to Your will.

Teach me to dance
Like David danced before the Ark of Your covenant,
Holding nothing back,
Releasing my whole heart to you.

Teach me to sing
Like Hannah and Mary sang in thanksgiving,
Holding nothing back,
Giving all glory and honor and praise to You.

Teach me,
My Lord and my Father, my God and my King.
Teach me to be like You.


So Just Hold On.

Well, folks, this one’s a doozy.

My life has been stressful lately. Not in a work-related way, but rather just in an emotional way. A friend of mine recently finished up her classes at school a semester early, and next she has a semester-long internship in the fall on the other side of the country. After that, she’s officially graduated but will hopefully come back in the Spring to walk with our class at Graduation. On the other hand, if she has a solid job and maybe can’t get back for Graduation, I may have said goodbye to her for the last time in this life, and she is one of the closest friends I have on this planet. There are about a million and five other things going on in my life that have been thrown on top of this, but this is the big one. I think the most difficult thing is that all of my emotional stressors come from other people. Not that the people stress me out, but many of my friends have had a rough time lately and they come and talk about me. I feel so far beyond blessed that my friends trust me enough to let me so deeply into their hearts, but unfortunately I spent the last month of my semester feeling like I couldn’t talk to anyone about why I was half-way depressed because all of my biggest sadnesses truly belonged to someone else. In short, not my story to tell. Their stories still rest inside me, though, and, through time away and time with God, I have learned how to emotionally deal with a lot of what has happened. Even so, writing this has helped me voice a lot of the emotion that has been stuck inside me for quite some time now. This includes nothing of the stories I carry, it is more or less pure emotion put into words, because I believe words have power, and names, above all other words, open the doors to understanding what lies inside us all.

This isn’t a happy ending, but it does show potential for a happily ever after. I believe there’s a big difference between the two.


“On Holding On”

In TV shows and in movies, so often we see the most intense, character-altering moments take place in a dramatic scene. They are long and drawn out, have theatrical background music that sets up the mood perfectly, and often include another character saying just the right words to give everyone hope.

Real life is rarely like that.

Sometimes real life is just you, crying in a car, listening to all the songs that make you think of the person you just lost. Sometimes real life leaves you praying with all your heart that you could do it over again so you can do things better and remember it all. It means wanting to burn it onto the insides of your eyelids so you never forget, but also wanting to wash it all away so you don’t have to remember what you’ve lost. Sometimes it leaves you clinging to every last promise that was ever made to you, forcing your heart to not go cold and numb in the midst of the pain.
Sometimes it means smiling through Hell, because through it all there are still people who love you and who want you to be happy, and you want them to be happy, so you hold on, for them. Because you feel like those special people who are so near and dear to your heart are all you have left to fight for. And you want to fight for them to your dying breath. So you hold on for all you’re worth. And, somewhat surprisingly, you are still happy.


~Dot P. King

The Eyes Have It

Luke 11:34 says that the eyes are the lamp of the body and if your eyes are good then your body will also be full of life. Likewise, if your eyes are bad then your body will be full of darkness.

It kinda reminds me of “oh be careful little eyes what you see.” We have a choice of where we fix our eyes. If we choose to look for the bad, (and are maybe, say, a bit cynical) that is all we will see and we will be blind to everything amazing that God is doing. But, if we choose to look toward Christ, then we can allow His light to flood our life and open us up to the wonderful works He is doing in the world. Choose wisely.

There’s an old hymn that says,
“Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
look full in His wonderful face,
and the things of Earth will grow strangely dim
in the light of his glory and grace.”

Francesca Battistelli released a song a little while ago based on this hymn, called “Strangely Dim,” in which she says,
When I fix my eyes on all that You are
Then every doubt I feel
Deep in my heart
Grows strangely dim
All my worries fade
And fall to the ground
Cause when I seek Your face
And don’t look around
Any place I’m in
Grows strangely dim”

I really like both of these songs. I love how they share the benefits of making the choice to focus our attention purely on Jesus. I also realized something recently through these two songs that has changed the way I think about the Light of Christ. When we allow His light to pour into our eyes, everything extra starts to fade. It doesn’t fade into darkness and shadows, though.
It fades away to nothing.


Luke 11:34
“Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eyes are healthy, your whole body also is full of light. But when they are unhealthy, your body also is full of darkness.”

May Flowers

In my kitchen window sits a vase to remind me that everything was fine until Jack Frost came along. He planted frost flowers in my strawberry patch. It was really quite rude of him. Yesterday morning I went out to the back yard, followed by my footprints etched in the frosted grass. I crouched down and examined his handiwork. One blossom was frozen half-open, and I found it glazed and glittering in the early sunshine. It was beautiful, but no farmer will pay for a sterilized bloom. I snipped it and put it in a vase in my kitchen anyway. It will remind me to put the straw over the berries.


This one was for a class, we were looking at prose poetry, so it’s written in prose form but it’s supposed to be a poem….yeah, I don’t really get it either, but it came out pretty well. 🙂 feedback is appreciated!

Simon, Sarah, & Leah

Just a little fun-ness. I recently read Pride & Prejudice, so there are probably some slight similarities in style., especially as it’s set in the same era.
This is also incomplete & may be updated at a later time.


“Why Mr. Simon, why on earth would you seat yourself so far from your companions?”

“A friend once advised me to always admire beauty from afar. Too much detail can ruin a picture of perfect elegance. Therefore, I must seat myself as far from women as possible. I have also found that, most often, the distance provides for some peace & quiet.”

Sarah gasped. “Such impertinence! Why, Leah, what do you think we should do to punish him?”

Leah looked up, holding her place in the book with a finger and placing her chin in her hand, turning her eyes on the gentleman. “Well Sarah, as a child my father taught me that such men were deserving to be slapped, but I have since come to be of my own opinion that such impertinent men are far to interesting to deserve to be slapped.” Simon bowed from his seat.

Sarah placed her hands on her hips “So if not slap him, what should we do?”

“Not talking to him might be fair. To deprive him of our voices might awaken him to our true value.”

“That sounds perfectly swell to me,” Simon replied. “If you ladies keep quiet, I might be able to admire you in peace without my mental capacities being demanded elsewhere.”

Leah could not suppress a smile. She simply returned to her book as Sarah stalked over to the fireplace. “Leah, you are always the one with the quick remarks, say something to silence him.”

Her friend did not even bother to look up from her book. “Sarah, his silence or speaking is dependent upon our own. Silence yourself and the man shall speak no more.”

Sarah’s hand flew to her forehead. “Oh! Woe is me, that my dear friend’s sharp tongue should be turned upon my own person rather than that of the one who deserves it most”

This time Simon spoke up. “That was hardly sharp, my lady, particularly compared to what I myself have received. And in any case, however much it may cause harm to your person, the factual nature of Miss Leah’s words cannot be denied.”


When I was in high school, I finally hit a point where I realized that if I took my personal image and nitpicked it apart, took every little detail and analyzed it to shreds, I would never be satisfied. Ever. It’s a simple fact. Far too many things are out of my control. It’s a ridiculous impossibility.

However, I realized that if I took a step back from my image and tweaked it, just a bit, just enough to re-focus, and instead looked deeper into myself, there I had control, there I could find satisfaction. There is only one person on this entire planet who has complete control over my inner self. Me. If I wish it, I can delve deeper into my Self and allow God to form me into the person he already has in mind. I can only do this through conversations with him, reading the instructions he has left for me, and sharing with others what he has done for me while reveling in what he has accomplished in their lives as well. This is so far beyond possible. God has had in mind, since even before I was born, the ideal person he wanted me to be. I want to start now. I can’t wait to meet her.


The Choice

Okay, so I’m a big fan of the BBC show Doctor Who and, even though I’ve never posted anything quite like this before, I wrote this for Doctor Who. It’s not really a fan fic, but Idk what exactly it is, so I’m just gonna let it be.
Enjoy 🙂

Voice: Let’s begin with where it all began.

Him: Well, what would “it” be?

Voice: That’s for you to decide, you’re the reason I’m here, after all.

Him: How can you expect me to know? So much has happened & so many things have changed. I barely even know my own name anymore.

Voice: But you still know it, you could never truly forget it. It’s been too important.

Him: Why? It doesn’t really mean anything, & I’d still be the same person without it.

Voice: That’s because you’ve tried to make yourself define the name in the past. Maybe you just need a new name to define you, stop trying to be something you’re not.

Him: But I don’t even know how to define my “self.” How could I ever use my self to define something else, especially a name?

Voice: That’s not necessarily what you’re doing. Don’t think of it as a name, make it a title. Let’s try again, start with this: What do you like to do?

Him: Well, I like to travel, and help people, when I can & when they need it.

Voice: And whom do you fight against?

Him: Oh, loads of folks, anyone who tries to conquer the innocent or injure the unarmed. I love giving bullies a good pounding.

Voice: And what do you see in them to fight? What fuels your fire against them?

Him: A reflection of who I have been, who I never wanted to be and refuse to ever become again.

Voice: What are the specific traits? Name them so you can know & remember.

Him: The cruel and the cowards. I have been both. I have been both so often that I very nearly gave up on becoming anything else.

Voice: But you didn’t.

Him: No. I never gave up hope, I never gave in to those thoughts. I wanted to help. I wanted to heal, to become wise and share that wisdom. Ultimately, I suppose, I wanted to be an intergalactic doctor.

Voice: There’s something.

Him: Yes. There it is. I will never be cruel or cowardly. I will never give up, never give in. I will be the Doctor. That is who I am and who I always want to be.